


Running

by Mierke



Category: In The Dark (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Running, includes Joy being an awful mom, minor appearances by Felix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-09 01:37:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20845400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mierke/pseuds/Mierke
Summary: What if Jess and Felix hadn't taken Max's money?Diverting at that point in the finale, everything is well, except that Guiding Hope is still going under. But surely that can be fixed?





	Running

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SinginInTheRaine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinginInTheRaine/gifts).

> For SinginInTheRaine, who wanted canon divergence and Jess and Murphy being there for each other. Hope you like it!

"What do you want most in life right now?" 

Murphy and Jess were eating dinner on the couch, the weight of the last few days falling off of Murphy's shoulders. Jess' familiarity felt soothing after the harshness of trying to seduce Dean into a confession, and she vowed to appreciate it more, to appreciate Jess more. 

"You'll laugh at me," Jess said around a mouthful of food. 

"I won't," Murphy said, and at Jess' mumble of disbelief added: "I promise!" 

"Iwanttosaveguidinghope." 

Murphy bit on the inside of her cheek - she had promised not to laugh, and she was determined to keep her promises this time, to do better. She never ever wanted to go through that period of not living with Jess again. 

"I ask you for anything in the world, and you want to save Guiding Hope?" 

"Yes, Murphy, I want to save Guiding Hope," Jess snapped. "That is my home. It's yours too, you know. You stand a lot to lose if it goes under." 

"I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that," Murphy said. "It's just... Wouldn't you rather have Vanessa back?" 

She could almost hear Jess mulling it over as they took a couple of bites in silence. 

"No," Jess eventually said. "Is that weird? I don't think Vanessa and I were right for each other. I do think Guiding Hope is right for me. And for you. And for Felix. I think I'm okay without Vanessa. I'm not so sure I'd be okay without Guiding Hope." 

* * *

"Let's save Guiding Hope!" 

It was probably the first time in her life Murphy had voluntarily attended a meeting at work, and it was one she herself had called. She hadn't even known she could do that. 

"We've got two orders of business," she said. "We need to get new puppies, and we need to get a huge influx of money. Right, Felix?" 

"Er, yes," he said. "We lost the puppies who were going to come in because I didn't have the van to take them home." 

Murphy shifted uncomfortably. 

"Okay, well, then first we try to get those back. You and I, this afternoon, off we go. Then, money. Who has any fundraising ideas?" 

Murmurs all around as her co-workers started talking to each other in low voices, but nobody actually said anything. Wasn't there anybody with ideas of how to turn this around? 

"What are you doing, Murphy?" her mother asked. "What do you want?" 

Murphy could hear the resignation in her mom's voice, as if she suspected some nefarious plot. 

"I'm trying to save the company," she said. "What does it look like I'm doing?" 

"You're the one who brought us down!" 

"That's a bit harsh, isn't it?" Jess asked. "If Murphy singlehandedly ruined the company, at least part of that is on you for not firing her." 

Silence descended on the room, then a clash of the door indicated her mother had left. Murphy wasn't surprised, really. Her mother had never taken any responsibility for how Murphy had turned out, as if her growing up had nothing to do with the mother who was supposed to guide it and help it along. 

"Think about it," she said to the group. "And we'll reconvene tomorrow. Felix, we're going to get some dogs." 

* * *

"So I know my business associate over there didn't make the best impression the other day," Murphy said. "But we're a family company, and as you can guess, that means sometimes we squabble. Might not look that professional, and for that, I apologize. But I assure you, our facilities are top notch, our people know what they're doing and a family environment is the most loving place for a dog. After all, how many of the guiding dog facilities around here were started because two people wanted to help out their blind daughter?" 

She smiled her best smile, and hoped it would be enough. Suddenly, her cane was ripped out of her hands. 

"I know you're not actually blind, you know," the woman said, and started hitting her with the cane. Reflexively Murphy covered her face, even though the hits kept coming at her legs. 

"Are you insane?!" Felix shouted and the hitting stopped. 

"You've got two choices," he said, and Murphy had never heard him sound so dangerous. It made her realize - again - that he would do anything to keep Guiding Hope open, and she begrudgingly admired that about him. "Either I sue you for attacking a defenceless blind woman, which, I might add, would ruin your business, or you sell us those dogs after all. At a discount, of course." 

Silence, then the sound of pen on paper, and the clatter of her cane in front of her feet. As she bent down to pick it up, she heard Felix bring the puppies into the van, and she turned away from the house. 

"That was pretty amazing," she said, an actual smile on her face this time. "You were pretty amazing." 

"I was!" 

* * *

"Thanks for sticking up for me." 

Murphy sat down on the couch as Jess put the finishing touches on dinner. The smells were making her mouth water, and there were few things as comfortable to her as hearing Jess bustling around in the kitchen. 

"Your mom has a habit of believing the worst in you. I just really don't like that." 

She put a plate of steaming food in Murphy's hand, and Murphy nodded her thanks. It tasted good - Jess' cooking always did - and for a while all you could hear were the sounds of them devouring dinner. 

"Why are you working so hard to save Guiding Hope?" Jess seemed curious, not suspicious. Weird how two very similar questions from two people could have such different meanings. 

"You said you wanted it most in the world." Murphy sounded defensive even to her own ears, but the truth was, she was doing this for Jess, and she hadn't yet given herself permission to figure out why she was going through all that trouble. 

"You looooove me." 

Murphy could hear the smile in Jess' voice and for a second - just a second - she wished she could kiss it, could taste it on her lips. 

"Shut up." 

She threw a strand of spaghetti in Jess' general direction, and Jess shrieked. 

"I do, you know," Murphy softly said into the silence that followed. 

"I know." 

Murphy told herself it was enough. That there wasn't a hollowness in her chest as they said those words. 

* * *

"We could have a bake sale." 

"I thought maybe a silent auction?" 

"We could team up with a couple of companies for a matching gift drive." 

The brainstorming meeting was going better than Murphy had expected. Aside from her mother, who still seemed to think Murphy had some hidden agenda and as such hadn't come up with any ideas of her own, people were doing their best, had thought about this at least in some way or other. 

"All great ideas," Felix said. "Murphy, since this was your idea, did you have anything in mind?" 

She was thrown a bit by the lack of vitriol in his voice. It was weird to hear him speak to her as if she was worth his time. He sounded as if he actually expected her to have an answer, and a good one at that. She liked it. 

"Actually," she said. "I thought we could team up with GLASA, get in touch with all the people who have one of our dogs, and see if we can organize a joined Run, Walk and Roll. That way we're not just raising money and building community, people can also immediately see what they're spending their money on, which should raise our eventual sum." 

The silence that fell reminded Murphy why she hated pitching new ideas and would rather just sit around and pretend nothing mattered. Did they hate it? Did they love it? Were they all looking at each other in pity for her ridiculous plans? 

"That is brilliant," her mother said, awe in her voice. 

"Surprise," Murphy said, "I am actually capable of things." 

"Yes, well, you hardly ever show it." 

Before they could devolve into an actual fight, Felix intervened. 

"I agree, it's a great idea. Joy, why don't you get in touch with GLASA, see if they're on board. Hank, you're the one with the longest experience here, maybe you could track down all our dogs? Jess, we'll have to examine each of them, make sure we're not killing any dogs in the process, that wouldn't do any good for the cause. Kim and Patrick, could you look into any additional training the dogs will need for this run? We're not thinking marathon, just a 5K, maybe 10." 

As Felix took over, Murphy settled back down in her seat. It felt good, to be able to contribute.

* * *

"So when do we start training?" Jess asked as they settled down on the couch for the evening. 

"Huh?" 

"For the 5K," Jess clarified, and Murphy almost literally shuddered. 

"I'm not running," she said. "No way. Nuh-uh." 

"All of our dogs, you said, right?" Murphy could hear the smile in Jess' voice and she didn't like it one bit. Cautiously, she nodded; that was part of the plan, yes. "Isn't Pretzel one of ours?" 

"Oh God," she groaned. "I did not think this through." 

"It'll be fun!" Jess said. "We'll see how good Pretzel is at guiding you, and I'll be there for any necessary additional cues, help you and him figure things out and keep you company." 

"Do you have any idea how much I hate running?" 

"Probably as much as I do," Jess cheerfully answered. "Which is why it'll be fun to do it together! It's for a good cause, and maybe we'll learn something about each other along the way." 

"You think there's still stuff to learn?" 

"I think you're a mystery I'm nowhere close to figuring out," Jess mumbled, but her voice was so low Murphy wasn't certain she had been supposed to hear it. 

So they set out to train. Jess had done some research and had found a training plan which should allow them to reach 5k in six weeks. Nothing felt more ridiculous to Murphy than that very first training. Running 1 minute, then walking the next? She was laughing about it for the first six times, but when it turned out they still had four more times to go, she realised that maybe - just maybe - Jess had been in the right to insist upon not just running the 5k on the day of the race. Not that Murphy would tell her, of course. Some things were better kept to yourself, after all.

* * *

"Murphy, I will need you at the checkpoint." Felix was taking lead in another meeting about the race. GLASA had been enthusiastic about their idea, and the planning was coming along nicely. Murphy hadn't talked about participating just yet; partly because she hadn't wanted to fully commit to it before she knew she could do it, but mostly because she was waiting to see how many would figure it out like Jess did. That as a blind employee of Guiding Hope, with one of their very own dogs, it would look so wrong for her to be on the sidelines. 

"What? No!" 

"Murphy, you'll have to contribute," her mother said. "Just having an idea is not enough. You have to follow through on them." 

"I am!" she said, and she waited for someone, anyone, to chime in. Jess seemed to realise Murphy would want to see who figured it out and kept quiet. Murphy sighed. "Can anyone here tell Felix and my mother why I won't be able to be at the checkpoint?" 

It was silent in the meeting room. Murphy could just imagine them trading glances, asking each other what the crazy blind woman was talking about now. No one spoke up, and she wondered if she really seemed that detached that no one could link her to Pretzel, or to any investment in Guiding Hope. 

"Nobody? Really? What does Felix pay you all for? I'm running, of course," she said. "Pretzel is, after all, one of ours." 

"You. Are running," Felix said. 

"Yes, Felix, I am running," she replied. "I also got in touch with Ruffwear who agreed to get us their new and improved UniFly dog harnesses at a discount. We'll need them if we want our runners to run without a human guide. The standard harness is shit when it comes to running. Also, they'll add our Guiding Hope logo to the ones we need, and any others we'll want to order after. I'm just waiting on Kim to let me know how many dogs will be running, so I'll know how many to order. I know this is an additional expense, but people at the race will be able to order those harnesses through us, which should help us get some of it back." 

Murphy was really starting to hate those silences that descended in the meeting room after she shared something she'd done. 

"Am I following through on my idea yet, mom? Or is this still not enough for you?" 

"I'm, I-" Her mom was lost for words, which just went to show that all she could do was criticize Murphy. Now there was something to be proud of, something she should encourage and laud, she didn't say a thing. 

"You've done a marvellous job," her father said, and Murphy smiled. She truly had. 

"Yes, well, that is- Wonderful, really, thank you, Murphy." 

Murphy inclined her head, accepting Felix' thanks. She could forgive him his incredulity much more easily; after all, ever since he came on board, she'd been nothing but cruel to him. There was no reason yet for him to believe she could be anything else. 

* * *

"Do you think I'm losing parts of myself by becoming an active member of our company and society?" 

They were on day seven of week two and were halfway through their first 3-minute walk. Just like Jess had predicted, Murphy always felt the need to share during those runs, as if the very act of physical exercise tore down her shields and let parts of her pouring out. It was disconcerting, really, and she had fought against it until today. After all, she had started this whole thing to get closer to Jess, and that probably implied letting her in, no matter how painful that sounded. 

"You still cut in line in the grocery store," Jess pointed out. 

"I'm blind!" Murphy laughed. "I can't see the line!" 

"You still spend many nights in the Linsmore." 

"I haven't slept with anyone in, like, three weeks, though." 

They set off in a run again, and Murphy had to focus. It wasn't even about not being able to talk; she liked to feel the pavement beneath her feet, hear the rhythm of the city. The world felt different, somehow, from this pace. If anyone would have told her she'd start to like running, she'd have laughed until she was out of breath, but apparently, she would have been wrong. 

"I don't think the way nothing mattered to you was part of who you are," Jess said on their next walk. "I think it hid parts of who you are. I think you've always cared, you just got out of practice in showing it." 

"I don't know," Murphy said. "Sometimes it feels like that was all I was, you know? And now I’m turning into this other person." 

"I think you just got too used to it that people were dangerous," Jess said. "That people would leave and would hurt you. I think that's why you stayed with me, because you were so sure I wouldn't leave that living with me felt safe." 

Something bugged Murphy about that statement, and she spent their next - and thankfully final - run thinking about it. It wasn't that Jess' assessment was wrong per se; the world was a dangerous place and she did hate to be vulnerable. It was the last part of what Jess had said that didn't sit right with her, as if staying with Jess was some kind of safehouse. 

"You do make me feel safe," Murphy said after they slowed down. "But you're not just a means to an end. Life feels wrong when you're not by my side." 

She wanted to reach out and touch Jess, make sure Jess had heard and understood her words, but she didn't dare. 

* * *

"When you were staying with Felix," Murphy asked tentatively during their two-minute walk on a training nearly two weeks later. "Did you ever consider not coming back? I mean, things got annoying with Felix, I know, so you'd have killed each other had you stayed. But you could have found your own place, dropped the roommate thing altogether, or you know, scoured the ads for someone less... demanding?" 

"I considered it," Jess said honestly, and Murphy could feel her racing heart skipping a beat. "Not for very long, because I missed you, but... Yeah. Things needed to change, and I didn't know how else to enforce it." 

"Did they change?" Murphy asked just as they started off for a run again, and the 10 minutes that followed were one of the longest of her life. She'd tried to change, rely less on Jess to help her out of whatever bind she'd been in, but she also knew she'd still dragged her along on nearly every Tyson errand. It had always been easy to rationalise it as extenuating circumstances, but she didn't know if Jess would see it that way. 

"We're running to save Guiding Hope," Jess said as they slowed down again. "I'd say things have changed plenty." 

* * *

Murphy was running on her own today. Since Jess wouldn't be running the 5K - they would need a veterinarian available, just in case - Murphy had to be able to trust in Pretzel and in her own instincts. This week, week six of the programme and only two weeks before the race, she would be doing alone. 

15 minutes of running before being allowed a break and Murphy thought she was going to die. During the second run of fifteen minutes, though, her body seemed to have adopted the rhythm and accepted the inevitable, and she felt good. She missed Jess more than she'd expected, and she wondered if she might be able to convince her to keep running together even after the 5K was done. 

Again she wondered what person she was turning into, but this time she thought that maybe Jess had been right. Maybe this was who she had been all along. Maybe she could expand her circle just a little bit; not enough to encompass the entire world, but just beyond Jess and Tyson to include Guiding Hope. She'd been trying to save it for Jess, but perhaps she needed it just as much. 

* * *

The meeting room was tense; instead of the usual loud conversations, all you could hear was the scuffle of people's feet as they entered the room and found a place to sit. The sense of expectation in the air made the hairs on Murphy's arms stand up and she supressed a shiver. They had done everything they could; if that wasn't enough, nothing would be. 

A shift in the air - the dread intensifying, though that shouldn't have been possible - and Felix scraped his throat. 

"Okay, you guys," he said, and Murphy tried to read his voice but couldn't. "You've all done a great job. We raised quite a bit of money, and just this morning I sat down with my accountant slash lawyer slash parental guard dog." 

He waited as if he thought anyone would laugh at his joke and Murphy could hear Jess' forced giggle. 

"He said we have shown initiative and perseverance in the face of certain failure, he was impressed by the success of our 5K, and he believes we can turn this company around." 

The room was silent as people tried to process what Felix had said, no one daring to come to the wrong conclusion and celebrating when there was nothing to be celebrated. 

"Guiding Hope is staying open!" Felix announced, and the room erupted. Murphy had never been at a boyband concert, but she figured it might sound something like this. The screaming was close to hurting her ears, the plates on the table were rattling from all the people jumping up and down, and when someone took her hand, Murphy realised she was smiling as well. 

"We did it!" Jess screamed, pumping her hand as she jumped up and down next to Murphy. Instead of dragging Jess closer and kissing her until she couldn't breathe, like Murphy wanted, she let herself be dragged along and jumped around the conference room by Jess' side. 

"We did it!" 

* * *

"What do you want most in life right now?" 

Murphy and Jess were stumbling their way back home from the bar. Celebrations had lasted 'til deep in the night, and Murphy revelled in the cool night air on her skin. Few things felt lovelier to her than Chicago at night. Of course, one of those things was the very woman walking next to her. 

God, she had too much to drink. 

"Well?" Jess poked her in the side and Murphy yelped. 

"Don't do that!" she laughed. 

"Then answer me." 

They were at the front door now, Jess fumbling with the lock as she tried to get them inside. 

"Just you," Murphy whispered, low enough that Jess could pretend she hadn't heard, though even that was loud enough that she cringed at her own voice. What was she doing? Hadn't the past year taught her that nothing her heart wanted could ever be a good idea? 

"What?" Jess laughed as she got them inside, almost stumbling over whatever they had left lying near the door. Or maybe over her own feet; if Murphy was feeling the effects of the alcohol, Jess couldn't be entirely sober either. 

Murphy followed Jess into the room, and they ended up on the couch, their limbs entangled in a sweaty mess. Murphy wanted nothing more than to taste the night air on Jess' skin but Jess had been saying something she hadn't paid attention to. 

"Just you," she repeated instead into Jess' hair, not so much hiding as taking strength and comfort from the familiar smells. "It's always been you, I've just been too blind to see it." 

She laughed at her own joke while Jess swatted her. 

"Not funny," she mumbled sleepily. 

"So funny," Murphy retorted. 

"Love you," she murmured. 

Waking up on the couch was never comfortable, though her body had gone to a new level of stiffness with the way she'd been tangled around Jess. 

"Ow, my head," Jess grumbled from somewhere underneath her. Or was it above? Murphy hadn't thought she had that much to drink, but with the added morning sleepiness, space was still meaningless to her. 

Jess pushed her off - hah, she had been right, her voice had come from underneath - and Murphy almost tumbled to the ground. 

"I'm so sorry!" Jess exclaimed, immediately followed by an ow as the sound of her own voice reached her head. 

Murphy just laughed. 

"I'm okay," she said. 

"Let me go... make us some breakfast," Jess said, and Murphy heard her making her way to the kitchen, getting their breakfast together. Her stomach rumbled and she laughed again. 

"How are you not in pain?" Jess grumbled from the kitchen, only making Murphy laugh harder. 

"My body can't be beaten by alcohol," she said loftily, immediately ruining the effect by laughing again. Surely she was still drunk if she was laughing this much just after having woken up? "Or maybe I haven't reached hungover yet and am still drunk." 

Jess knocked on the table as she sat down her plate, and Murphy gratefully grabbed the food. 

"Thanks," she said, as she moved over to allow Jess some room on the couch. 

"Last night," Jess began and Murphy shifted on the couch. "Did you mean it?" 

Murphy pretended to be engrossed in her food as she figured out how to answer that question. Her instinctive reaction was to pretend she didn't remember a thing, she'd been drunk, not a big deal, what was Jess talking about? But her heart came peeking out from its barriers and wondered why she would do that when this was what she had been working towards. This had been the point of saving Guiding Hope, hadn't it? Making Jess happy, sure, but also giving Murphy a chance to show Jess what she could bring to the relationship, what she had to offer. Show that she was more than just a fuckup. 

"Yes," she said decidedly, a little louder than she intended and she winced. 

"I ask you for anything in the world, and you want me?" 

"Can we like, not make a thing about this?" Murphy asked and she got up from the couch, agitation propelling her forward. 

"No, Murphy, we can't," Jess said, sounding clearer than she had sounded all morning, grabbing Murphy's wrist and preventing her from leaving. "Because if we're going to do this, if we're going to see where this leads, you're going to have to talk to me. You can't run away when the conversation gets hard, and you can't use sex as a fix-all, and you can't pretend things are fine when they're not." 

"I know," Murphy whispered, and she hated it, she hated how small she felt right now, as if the entire world was crumbling around her and she couldn't catch it on her shoulders. "I know I'm not-" 

"No!" Jess insisted, her hands suddenly on Murphy's shoulders, as if she wanted to shake her but thought better of it the moment she had touched her. "Don't do that, Murph. Don't insist you're not relationship material or whatever it was you were going to say. Don't make it that easy on yourself to shrug and move on, and don't push me away because you're scared of doing the work." 

"I don't know how to do the work!" Murphy said. "I never did. And look at Max, look at how that ended. Isn't that proof I'm awful at this? That me wanting to kiss you and God, sleep next to you, is the very thing that will tear us apart?" 

"What happened with Max was not your fault," Jess insisted. "I swear I'm not a criminal." 

Murphy choked back a laugh. 

"I do!" Jess laughed. "I will have no need to skip town because I'm running from the police or from evil drug overlords. I'm not running, period. Which is all I'm asking you to do. Don't run. Talk to me when things get hard, slow down when you think we're going in the wrong direction, but don't run." 

She led Murphy back to the couch, and they sat down, their shoulders touching. 

"But we just went through all this trouble to learn how to run," Murphy said, as serious as she could, until Jess' giggle made her dissolve into hopeless laughter again. 

"We can do this, Murphy. We can figure this out. Because we've already got the basics down, you know?" 

Murphy let her head rest on Jess' shoulder and took a deep breath. 

"Love you, Jess." 

"I love you too."


End file.
